Creepy Headline of the Day
Kangaroo Scrotums are the New Victims of Global Warming
While reading this new piece from Vice magazine, I thought it was an Onion-like gag. I mean, really?
Climate change is a huge concern for many, many reasons: the ice caps are melting, droughts are sweeping the world, and mega-hurricanes are striking cities that have never before had to weather such storms. But it’s only recently that climate change has threatened Australia’s hilarious but substantial kangaroo nutsack trade. The hopping marsupials’ scrotums, which are crafted into souvenir bottle-openers and key rings, have made manufacturer John Kreuger, hereby known (by me) as the King of Ballsacks, hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Who would buy such a thing?! But there really seems to be a market and an actual “King of Ballsacks.” Here he is mentioned recently in Australia’s Brisbane Times:
Mr Kreuger describes himself as a conservationist and does not kill kangaroos for the “bits and pieces that hang off them” but sources the scrotums from kangaroo meat factories.
By now you’re wondering what these kangaroo scrotum keepsakes look like and where you can buy them. So let’s head over to this online Scrotum Gift Shop, where you can order “small romantic gifts with big sentimental value.” For example, maybe you fancy the scrotum coin purse for your loved one.
Or perhaps a scrotum bottle opener. (I can’t bear to post the picture.)
I don’t know what’s more bizarre: That people actually buy stuff like this or an article about how climate change threatens the supply of kangaroo scrotum trinkets.
UPDATE: I’ve slightly tweaked the headline to play off the bizarro aspect of this story.
Corporate Scrotum Pouches. We can personalize pouches for your corporate / party gifts by embossing your logo and / or text.
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It would make for a great Mad Men episode.
Personally I think kangaroo scrotums are what causes global warming.
I showed this to my Aussie friend and she was very well aware of these souvenirs and stated very firmly that when she goes back to visit she will not bring me back a scrotum. I believe her exact words were, “You want a scrotum coin purse? Use your own.”
Sounds plausable to me.
Oh, noez, what does this mean for my ‘roo ovary earring biz I had planned for my retirement….damn.
“mega-hurricanes are striking cities that have never before had to weather such storms.”
Really, Joe Romm?
The funny part is that this is an obvious reference to Sandy, which wasn’t even a hurricane when it struck NYC, much less a “mega-hurricane”. Pure propaganda.
Clearly kangaroo balls are the climate proxy we’ve all been waiting for.
And we’ve been wasting all this time on tree rings!!!
Sounds right up Pete Campbell’s alley.
Since the actual science shows no increase in either tropical cyclones OR “mega-hurricanes” (whatever they are), it seems the old fool is just seizing upon a convenient excuse. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous your contention: these days, if you preface your whopper with “Due to climate change . . .” you will hook all the gullible immediately.